Welcome, children of the night! This Blog is for fans of vintage horror films as well as those who are just beginning to discover the joy of these classic movies. I'd love to hear from you!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Beast With One Million Eyes (1955)

What would happen if you crossed Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds (1963) with George Romero's The Crazies (11973) and then stripped them of anything remotely interesting and innovative?  What would be left?  What if you then took this meager carcass of an idea, added a few marginal actors, a UFO, and had a budget of about $100 to work with?  What kind of film would be the finished product?  Why the answer, my friends, is The Beast With a Million Eyes.
This one reads more like a soap opera than a horror, sci-fi adventure.  The plot involves a dysfunctional family who lives on a farm in a remote desert.  Mama is an unhappy housewife who is about three Xanax short of a nervous breakdown.  [How many times can she burn the cake?  Really, honey, that's what they make timers for!]  Then there's the misunderstood daughter who wants to go to college but no one is listening to her. [I think she's secretly yearning for a torrid lesbian romance.  I can see it in her eyes.]  Oh yeah, there's Dad as well, but he doesn't seem to do much except a lot of moralizing at the end of the film.  
Finally, a UFO arrives that looks like a low budget R2D2 with disco lights and one hopes that the plot will thicken.  It doesn't happen...the animals and the humans start acting a bit crazy [crazier than they were to begin with, that is] which eventually leads to the UFO demanding that it take possession of the daughter.  But this does not happen.  Love wins out, the family sticks together, and the alien is destroyed.  You expected any other outcome?
Wow, this one is a bottom feeder for sure.  It represents the worse of 1950's cinema.  Avoid it at all costs and watch something that is actually enjoyable such as Them! (1954) or Forbidden Planet (1956).
RATING: Bad.
For more info check out the film's entry in IMDB.

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